either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
