I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
