She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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