If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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