the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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