I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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