see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
