he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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