You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
