Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
