everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this just has baby written all over it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
