Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
