Apparently you make a good broom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
