Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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