she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
