his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
