Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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