I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
