I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
