I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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