i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
