my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
