I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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