Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
