Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
