I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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