I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
