peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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