You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Acid is not a monday night drug
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
