if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
