I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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