I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
