he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
