Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
