I accidentally had phone sex last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
