I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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