Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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