she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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