I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
