i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
