That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize