she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
