Yo dont text me then not text me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
