how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
