they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
