my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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