you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
