I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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