i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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