you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
